Okay, I admit this title is a little misleading as I myself am still trying to figure out how to deal with the reverts I've known that have left Islam. Although, I can tell you that once they leave Islam they are very difficult to even talk to as the ones I have known become very aggressive and hateful towards Islam and Muslim beliefs in general that their words will cut into you like a knife.
Firstly, If you live in America and are a revert you will most likely encounter other reverts while you are searching out info and friends to accompany and guide you along your journey. From my personal experience I can honestly say that out of every revert I have known since I reverted 3 years ago, only 1 has not left Islam. That may come as a surprise to some that may not know the demographics of American reverts but it is a very sad reality in this country where an average of 75% or as some studies suggest even more of American reverts leave Islam within the first few years of accepting the faith.
Why do they leave Islam? Each person who leaves has their own reasons but many factors continue to pop up. Some can't leave their pasts behind them and go back to their old ways, some become consumed with the loneliness and grow tired of their friends and families not accepting them and abandoning them so they give up, for some it may be that they had relationships and enjoyed dating before they accepted Islam and regret giving that up. Another very common reason is that reverts often seek out born Muslims to learn from and unfortunately encounter the wrong types that will treat reverts as beneath them and worthless. From this reverts get a very bad impression of how a true born Muslim should behave and assume that all born Muslims are the same and have the same prejudices. Reverts are often criticized as well by individuals who assume that all Americans behave the same as people they have encountered with low morals or compare us with the disgusting behavior they see on American TV shows and the internet. If reverts were given a dollar for every time someone asked rude, inappropriate questions about our past we would all be rich. But I have learned that the ones that ask us these questions are the ones that should be checking themselves since Sharia Law prohibits anyone from questioning a female revert about her past. You can bet I make that fact aware to those who question me!
The first revert that I became friends with left Islam soon after we became friends. In the beginning we had so much in common, we came from similar farm families, were interested in veterinary medicine, and lived in adjoining states. The decline was quick though, as has been with the other reverts I knew that went back to their old ways. It always starts the same, the modest dress is the first to go along with the hijab if the live in an area where they can freely wear it, they start to go to parties, drink alcohol, use excessive foul language, and have an overall careless attitude toward the fact they have started doing everything they once stood against. Another sad fact is that it's not only people who leave Islam that act this way but their are people who still call themselves Muslims that behave this way too.
The language of those who leave Islam becomes quite unnerving, especially when they start to lash out against Islam. Countless times have I witnessed the former reverts that I knew complaining about how much being a revert "sucks" and that it doesn't allow them to be themselves. I believe people who say these things don't know themselves to begin with regardless of what religion they are and believe they have to conform to someone else's idea of how a Muslim should be that is not in accordance with the Quran and Sunnah. Some believe they have to conform to some other culture as a Muslim in hopes of being accepted by that community, if that's what that culture wants you to do before they will view you as a Muslim then you definitely don't need to be around them. People tend to forget that all the Muslims in the world are essentially one community and we are all valued equally regardless of where we come from. So go ahead and wear your Desi, Malaysian, Arab, or whatever other cultural clothing you like because they all make beautiful garments but remember Islam is within the lessons of the Quran and Sunnah, not within clothes you buy off a rack.
Personally I find it very hard to be around these people, even to have a conversation can be hard because of all the foul language that is thrown around. I become easily repulsed by people who cannot control their words and actions. I am a firm believer in the concept that if you cant say something without using foul language then you shouldn't be saying it at all. We should surround ourselves with people who are also on the correct path so that we can lift each other up instead of dragging others down.
If anyone reading this knows any reverts that may being going through difficult times and questioning their faith, please reach out to them and guide them back to the correct path and be there for them as much as you can because believe me, they need a shoulder to lean on when times get rough.